Successful applicants will be paid 980 yen per hour to work in these conditions.

Always dreamt of working for Nintendo of Japan? Fancy playing Wii games until your eyes bleed and being paid to do it? Then you’re in luck because Mario Club, NCL’s crack debug/testing department, is hiring temp staff! You can find the details here, though because everything is typed up in Japanese I feel I should condense the info in English so that you’re under no illusions about how crap a job this actually is.

Job requirements and benefits:

- You need to be at least a high school graduate (read: if you’re a uni grad, you’re probably aiming too low)

- You need to be ready to start working at Nintendo in Kyoto on April 16th

- You will be employed for a period of between 3 and 6 months (there’s an initial 2-week trial period for NCL to check that you know how to waggle that remote)

- You will be working Monday to Friday, 10:00-17:30 with a one-hour lunch break

- You will be given a Nintendo uniform to wear (!)

- You will be paid 980 yen per hour … that’s £7.20/$10.90 … in other words, about as much as you can get working at a conbini.

1. J-pop songstress Hitomi Toi contributing to Monkey Ball Athletic soundtrack 一十三十一...

"But it's not as good as the Saturn version..." - WRONG!

600 yen goes a long way in Japan. It can get you two 500ml cans of Yebisu beer. Or a copy of Famitsu. Or six items from a 100 yen-shop, if you don’t factor in sales tax. Much, much better, though, is that it can get you a game from the online retro gamer’s paradise that is PSN-J’s Game Archives.

And as of now that includes a little game called Thunderforce V Perfect System, a bloody marvelous shmup from TechnoSoft (RIP) that has way more features than the admittedly lovely Saturn version. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Other recent additions to the PlayStation-games-for-download service include Nihon Bussan’s 1996 mediocrity Dead Heat Road, a board game called Family Diamond that weighs in at just 5MB (and they wasted a whole CD publishing this back in 2002!), and – wait for it – The PRO Mahjong: Initiation Into the Secrets of the Art, which is, to be blunt, just a mahjong game from 1998.

1. Mega-rare shmup Kyuin arrives on Japanese PlayStation Store! Another mega-bargain in the Game Archives!...
2. Gran Turismo 5’s Japan release postponed beyond March 2010 Now listed as "TBC" again. D'oh!...
3. 5 essential PlayStation games to download from J-PSN If you nip along to your local conbini and buy a 3,000 yen PSN ticket, what will you spend your credit on? Stuck for ideas? Here are five absolutely sublime 32-bit PlayStation games available in the Game Archives area of the Japanese PS Store for just 600 yen each......

3D Panasonic women > 3D Panasonic tellies.

Well, well, well. Panasonic has unveiled its first proper super-full HD 3D Viera flat-screens and they’ll be available in Japan on April 23rd.

In spite of the super specs (in both senses of the term “specs”), the nicely timed unveiling of a 3D BD player, and impressive promo work by a new series of Japanese women who appear to have just arrived on a Galaxy Express from The Future, even the early adopter in me is not tempted to reserve a set at Bic Camera for 428,001 yen (£3,033/$4,758).

That could all change, however, if Sony reveals a 3D PS3 version of 蚊.

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Green shells included!

Imagine driving an actual shell-firing, mushroom-turbo-powered around an actual, albeit plastic and fairly small, circuit: you’ve just imagined Mario Kart Wii Choro Q!

Due to rev up in Japan this June, Takara Tomy’s new Choro Q Hybrid spin on NCL’s classic game is infra-red-controlled and cheapish, with a two-player “Vs. Set” featuring Mario, Yoshi and their respective vehicles available for pre-order at Amazon Japan for 4,570 yen (£31/$50).

Also in the box are some basic track parts, tiny Famicom controller-style remotes, and green shells, mushrooms, banana skins, coins and stars! Items can be used whenever the controllers’ “LED roulettes” stop flashing, with a selection of five power-ups (no lightning bolts, alas) to work with.

Forget 3D TV, kids – infra-red model Mario Kart is the future!

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Actual iPhone screenshot!

The original Final Fantasy is being remade for the iPhone/iPod Touch, and so is its immediate sequel, Final Fantasy II. Given Square Enix’s proclivity for re-re-re-releasing its old games on formats as diverse as the DS, the PlayStation, LCD keyrings, and your microwave and fridge, this is hardly surprising.

What is surprising is that these iPhone remakes of the first two games in the FF series look crisp and full of life. Even though I’ve bought them a dozen times before, they look tempting again. These classics, which debuted as Famicom cassettes in 1987/88, are scheduled to arrive on the App Store at some point in the future for an as-yet-undisclosed price. Er, yes. But this much is concrete: the games will appear in all territories simultaneously, so you won’t have to wait longer than those of us who live in Japan and neither will we have to wait longer than you. Sounds fair.

Some key details:

- These iPhone versions are based on 2007’s PSP ports and include those PSP releases’ extra dungeons.

- Touch controls are adopted for things such as battles and movement around the games’ maps.

- There will be new stuff to enjoy once you’ve completed the main adventures!

Another actual iPhone screenshot!

1. Gyakuten Saiban (Phoenix Wright) released on iPhone in Japan! No objections, right?...
2. Taiko no Tatsujin due on iPhone at beginning of February! Japan-only to begin with......
3. Japanese keitai phenomenon Itotooshi now available on iPhone 10 million downloads and counting!...

Everyone knew it was coming, but now we now how much it’ll cost, what it’ll feature, and when we’ll be able to play it. In reverse order:

1. After Burner Climax on PSN and XBLA will be available in Japan this “spring” (which probably means April).

2. It will include the After Burner II soundtrack as a bonus; it’ll feature a new “EX Option” mode that enables in-depth modifications to the game itself; there will be global rankings; and the graphics are said to be better-than-arcade-perfect in that the original coin-op’s looks are maintained and even improved with the upgrade to full HD.

3. All this for just 900 yen on PSN and 800 MS Points (about 1,200 yen) on XBLA.

Here’s another screenshot because you deserve it:

1. SEGA’s giant comedy Tetris coin-op drops into Japan’s arcades デッカい！...
2. Hot new Japanese release: Zaxxon (Virtual Console Arcade) Something to keep you entertained until FFXIII....
3. Thunderforce V among new (old) delights on Japan’s PlayStation Store It's all happening down in the Archives......

Even though Bemani is virtually comatose in Japan now, Taiko no Tatsujin (太鼓の達人) just goes on and on and on and never seems to lose any of its fans. This is probably because it’s a near-perfect recipe for fun, just like Black Forest gateau and Guinness is a near-perfect recipe for fun.

Anyway, as you’ll see from that shaky YouTube clip of some giant female hands playing the diminutive new iPhone version of Taiko no Tatsujin, the recipe appears to match the hardware particularly well. How well? We’ll be able to find out some time in the first week of February, which is when Namco Bandai will release the game on the Japanese App Store. I’ll bring you a personal playtest as soon as I’ve got it. In the meantime, I’ll just sit here tapping my fingers on the desk. Good practice.

1. Gyakuten Saiban (Phoenix Wright) released on iPhone in Japan! No objections, right?...
2. Final Fantasy & Final Fantasy II bound for iPhone! Old games Touched up......
3. Japanese keitai phenomenon Itotooshi now available on iPhone 10 million downloads and counting!...

Hitomi Toi singing into her milkshake.

If you’re thinking of picking up the Japanese version of Monkey-Ball-standing-up that is Super Monkey Ball Athletic and you happen to be a fan of singer-songwriter Hitomi Toi (look how funny her name is in kanji: 一十三十一), you’re now quids in as it turns out she’s supplying a song called “Sakura” for that game’s “Zipangu” world.

Athletic is out in Japan on February 25th, and Zipangu has an Asian theme (as does the song) that renders it pink and clichéd:

Hitomi Toi also did the ending theme song for the Japanese DVD version of Lilo & Stitch...

1. Japanese band GreeeeN to pioneer ‘interactive live events’ in new DS title Welcome to the future of J-pop!...
2. Nintendo of Japan’s Mario Club now hiring game testers! Mmm... minimum wage!...
3. The very best of Japanese chiptune, pt. 2: YMCK Shibuya-kei reborn through the cassette slot of a Famicom......

Let's record Japanese digital terrestrial telly!

Going some way towards making up for the other day’s GT5 disappointment, Sony yesterday announced a new gadget that will enable PS3 owners in Japan to record digital terrestrial TV to their PS3s’ hard drives and/or external hard disks. It’s called the “Torne” and it’s due out in March at 9,980 yen.

Even this announcement has its own in-built let-downs, though, because for whatever reason the device is not capable of/willing to record BS or CS broadcasts. So this really is just for vanilla Japanese telly programs. Still, let’s look on the bright side – you’ll be able to record and enjoy the likes of these gems at your leisure:

リンカーン, aka “Lincoln”, aka one of Japan’s legendary Downtown-fronted comedy variety programs (set your Torne to record on Tuesdays at 10pm!)

松本人志の○○な話, aka “Hitoshi Matsumoto’s ○○ Talk”, aka an extremely funny discussion among comedians about the things they like, scary experiences they’ve had, etc. (Tuesdays at 11pm!)

1. Mega-rare shmup Kyuin arrives on Japanese PlayStation Store! Another mega-bargain in the Game Archives!...
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3. Gran Turismo 5’s Japan release postponed beyond March 2010 Now listed as "TBC" again. D'oh!...

Kyuin: one of the best cute PlayStation shmups, and no longer ridiculously expensive!

I’ve spent the past hour flying a vacuum cleaner and shooting frogs. That’s right, I’ve been playing Kyuin! This is almost up there with Harmful Park at the top of the cutesy PSX shmup tree. Kyuin (the sound made by a Hoover) is completely daft, has delightful music, runs at 60fps without any slowdown, scrolls in all directions, has a nifty two-player mode that doubles the fun, and is just generally charming throughout. All this from a virtually unknown developer with the generic name of “Media Entertainment”.

Kyuin was originally released in Japan in 1996 (there was a re-release in 2000), but it’s never been cheaper or more easily accessible than it is now: as of yesterday, anyone with a Japanese PSN account can get it for 600 yen via the Game Archives section of the J-PS Store. I’d suggest that’s a much more sensible option than paying 16,000 yen (£107/$175 – no, really!) for this sealed original copy on Yahoo! Auctions or even blowing $50 on this eBay import. At 600 yen this is absolutely essential. If you have the means, get it now!

This is the bridesmaid boss at the end of Level 1. Not quite sure of the premise, but you have to shoot her with your vacuum cleaner until she shrinks. What a game!

1. Thunderforce V among new (old) delights on Japan’s PlayStation Store It's all happening down in the Archives......
2. Gaijin Gamer’s most wanted Japanese PlayStation Classics On J-PSN please, 'cause discs are minging....
3. Four more PlayStation classics arrive in PSN-J’s Game Archives And by "classic" we mean Neko-Zamurai!...